{"id":12398,"date":"2023-06-20T00:00:27","date_gmt":"2023-06-19T15:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/?p=12398"},"modified":"2023-06-24T20:53:54","modified_gmt":"2023-06-24T11:53:54","slug":"is-it-unprofessional-to-smile-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/3-tips-to-deal-with-mum-guilt","title":{"rendered":"3 Tips To Deal With \u201cMum Guilt\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cMy son has been sick this week, and he ended up watching YouTube for kids all day since he wants to be in my room where I work. I felt bad.\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

This is a classic example of mum guilt.<\/span><\/p>\n

In many cases, \u201cMum guilt\u201d (or \u201cMom guilt\u201d or \u201cMommy guilt\u201d) is when you want to be a good mother, but you also want to do well in your career.<\/span><\/p>\n

You feel like you\u2019re not doing things right or not doing enough as a mother.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In a word, you feel<\/span> inadequate<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

But what – or who – are you comparing yourself to?<\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ve probably got ideas about being a \u201cgood mother\u201d from your parents or other relatives, friends, teachers (yours and your children\u2019s), TV, social media, and many more influencers in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n

And of course, people are telling you <\/span>their ideals<\/i><\/b> and usually NOT showing you <\/span>the reality<\/i><\/b> – especially on social media.<\/span><\/p>\n

I talked about \u201cmum guilt\u201d on <\/span>Episode 194 of the Sasuga! Podcast<\/u><\/strong><\/span><\/a> and wanted to revisit the topic here because it\u2019s shown up several times in recent conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen it drive tremendously talented professional women to tears (including me). And it doesn\u2019t have to be that way.<\/span><\/p>\n

First, let\u2019s pick up on the rest of the story above.<\/span><\/p>\n

The mum in question told me that she asked her son, \u201cWhat did you learn today from YouTube?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Apparently, he replied, “I don’t know\u2026\u201d and was singing and dancing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t that interesting?<\/span><\/p>\n

Her child was sick, but she was asking him what he learned.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wasn\u2019t it enough that he was happy and having fun (as kids often seem to do even when they have a fever!)?<\/span><\/p>\n

I used to feel mum guilt too. I felt like I didn\u2019t give my daughter enough attention. But then I also felt that I always had more work to do. I put myself in a no-win situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I could go back and talk to myself 10 or 20 years ago, I would say, \u201cRelax and enjoy the moments more – both work and motherhood.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In my view, if your child is healthy and happy, you\u2019re definitely doing your job as a mother. And remember, give yourself some credit – you MADE a human being, or maybe more than one! That\u2019s pretty impressive.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are 3 tips to help ease you out of mum guilt if you\u2019re suffering\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Look after yourself first<\/b><\/p>\n

Have you heard the saying, \u201cIf momma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy\u201d? (The English might be confusing if it\u2019s not your native language. It means that if the mother isn\u2019t happy, nobody is happy.)<\/span><\/p>\n

It makes sense, right? If mum is in a bad mood, it affects others in the home – and at work.<\/span><\/p>\n

I also noticed that when I was especially stressed at work, my daughter would get sick.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, on my first day at McKinsey Japan, I had to leave early because I got a call from the nursery saying that my daughter had a fever and I had to pick her up!<\/span><\/p>\n

I was horrified. I thought, \u201cCrikey, my new colleagues will think I\u2019m so unprofessional and unreliable! I might be fired in my first week!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And at the same time another voice in my head was saying, \u201cWhat a terrible mother you are thinking of work when your daughter is sick!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now I know the importance of taking care of myself first, so that I\u2019m in a better place physically, mentally, and emotionally to take care of others and do brilliant work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Be present<\/b><\/p>\n

Do your best to focus on whatever is right in front of you. So when you\u2019re at work, focus on work. When you\u2019re with your kids, be fully with your kids.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This may not be easy at first.<\/span><\/p>\n

You might be playing <\/span>Anpanman karuta<\/span><\/i> and start composing an email response to a client in your head. Or you might be at work composing an email response to a client and start thinking that you should spend more time playing <\/span>Anpanman karuta<\/span><\/i> with your son or daughter.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is normal.<\/span><\/p>\n

The answer is when you notice you\u2019re distracted, gently bring your thoughts back to what you\u2019re doing. It\u2019s sort of like a meditation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Those thoughts might not even fully go away, but you can get better and better at gently bringing yourself back to what\u2019s right in front of you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Progress, not perfection.<\/span><\/p>\n

Know that doing that is for everyone\u2019s benefit – especially yours.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Deal with child \u201cemergencies\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n

An emergency might be a bleeding knee or it might be a missing favorite sock crisis.<\/span><\/p>\n

I learned as a mother that by fully dealing with the \u201cemergency\u201d immediately, I could more quickly go back to the other thing that I was doing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Clients often say, \u201cI want to have a morning routine, but my kids keep interrupting me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The whole idea of a morning routine is for you to start the day feeling good with a sense of accomplishment.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, here\u2019s my advice if your little one jolts you out of your meditation, yoga practice, journaling, or reading because she can\u2019t find her favorite pencil.<\/span><\/p>\n

Simply deal with the drama and then go back to your morning routine when you can.<\/span><\/p>\n

And if there\u2019s no time left, just let it go and look forward to the opportunity to give it a go the next day. It\u2019s not a big deal.<\/span><\/p>\n

Women sometimes tell me they feel \u201cselfish\u201d when they focus on their work because they\u2019re neglecting their kids. And they feel \u201cselfish\u201d when they\u2019re focusing on their kids because they\u2019re neglecting their work.<\/span><\/p>\n

How about we turn \u201cselfish\u201d into \u201cselfful\u201d – being kind to yourself and doing what\u2019s best for you, so that you can be your best for your kids or your work depending on which you\u2019re focusing on at the time?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cMy son has been sick this week, and he ended up watching YouTube for kids all day since he wants to be in my room where I work. I felt bad.\u201d This is a classic example of mum guilt. In many cases, \u201cMum guilt\u201d (or \u201cMom guilt\u201d or \u201cMommy guilt\u201d) is when you want to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":12400,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,62,55,60,57,56,65,54,58],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","category-announcements","category-communication","category-conference-calls","category-facilitation","category-interviews","category-personal-development","category-presentations","category-meetings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12398"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12398\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12434,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12398\/revisions\/12434"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12400"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasugacommunications.com\/ja\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}