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Stephen Covey famously said, \u201cMost people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019d like to offer another observation, \u201cMany people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to maintain harmony.\u201d<\/p>\n Whether your listening difficulty is that you\u2019re overeager to state your opinion or that you don’t really understand but feel you might offend if you question the other person, here are 3 steps for better listening.<\/p>\n 1. Prepare, 2. Connect, 3. Confirm.<\/b><\/p>\n I\u2019ll write about these in three posts, starting with Step 1.<\/p>\n Real listening is difficult. We\u2019re not taught how to do it in school. Fortunately, some corporations offer listening skills seminars for their staff, but these are still relatively rare.<\/p>\n To listen well, we should prepare in two ways.<\/p>\n Have you experienced talking to a colleague, but he\u00a0continues to type an email? It’s obvious that he\u00a0isn\u2019t fully listening.<\/p>\n As human beings, in any given moment, we can only focus on one thing that requires thought. Typing an email and listening to what someone is saying both require thought about the content, so we can\u2019t do both at the same time.<\/p>\n To really listen, we need to remove distractions.<\/p>\n If someone wants to talk to you, either stop what you\u2019re doing or ask them to come back at a time when you can focus.<\/p>\n If you want to talk about something important, schedule a time and location where you won\u2019t be distracted.<\/p>\n Be prepared to consider things from the other person\u2019s perspective. What we say and do is driven by our thoughts, feelings, values, needs, and fears. These can lead to different assumptions and misunderstandings if the intention behind an action isn\u2019t clear.<\/p>\n For example, a coworker who criticizes the work of his team members may seem uncooperative or mean, but perhaps his intention is for the team to produce the best quality product and this drives his action of speaking up when something isn\u2019t of the highest standard.<\/p>\n We can see the action, but don’t necessarily know the intention.<\/b><\/p>\n Prepare yourself to listen well by taking a moment to empathize and consider the possible intention behind other people\u2019s actions \u2013 especially with people you often disagree with!<\/p>\n Preparing by removing distractions and empathizing\u00a0is the first step to real listening.<\/p>\n Next week, we\u2019ll look at Step 2: Connect, in which I\u2019ll introduce four ways to connect with the other person in a conversation<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n If you read Japanese, have you read \u82f1\u8a9e\u306e\u4ed5\u4e8b\u8853\u00a0yet?\u00a0Read a preview of the first 16 pages and find bookstore links here<\/strong><\/a>. <\/strong><\/b><\/p>\n Thank you for listening!<\/p>\nTwo Ways to Prepare for Better Listening<\/h2>\n
\n1. Remove distractions<\/strong><\/h3>\n
\n2. Empathize<\/strong><\/h3>\n