\u3053\u306e\u8a18\u4e8b\u3067\u306f\u3001\u4ed5\u4e8b\u306b\u6bba\u5230\u3055\u308c\u305a\u3001\u30d5\u30ec\u30f3\u30c9\u30ea\u30fc\u3067\u89aa\u3057\u307f\u3084\u3059\u3044\u4eba\u9593\u306b\u306a\u308b\u305f\u3081\u306e\u30d2\u30f3\u30c8\u3092\u3054\u7d39\u4ecb\u3057\u3066\u3044\u307e\u3059\u3002 \u8a18\u4e8b\u306f\u82f1\u8a9e\u3067\u3059\u3002 \u3069\u3046\u305e\u304a\u5f79\u7acb\u3066\u304f\u3060\u3055\u3044\uff01<\/p>\n
I loved this question in the Sasuga! Community Facebook group\u00a0(thanks, Helen Lewis!):<\/p>\n
\u201cI struggle with handling all the different threads that come at me – from friends, from family, from students, not to mention work colleagues. There is never time to be all things to all people. Tips on how to be friendly and approachable without getting swamped!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n This is a massive problem for many of us, especially if we\u2019re overachievers, people pleasers, or Obligers (read more on Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies here<\/a>).<\/p>\n I\u2019ve struggled with trying to be \u201call things to all people\u201d for years and on occasion it\u2019s had a serious physical and emotional impact \u2013 at one point resulting in me sitting, crying, in a psychotherapist\u2019s office for two hours listing all the stuff I\u2019d taken on and how it was all just TOO MUCH (thank you, Andrew Grimes from Tokyo Counseling Services,\u00a0for helping me get back on my feet). Apparently, I was suffering from \u201cemotional exhaustion.\u201d I didn\u2019t even know that was a thing.<\/p>\n I often see people in the workplace who are overwhelmed, leading to suboptimal results, inefficiency, and stress. That\u2019s what I call mottainai<\/em>. I hope that by sharing what I\u2019ve learned, I can help more people say good-bye to mottainai<\/em>.<\/p>\n These days, I deal with all the \u201cdemands\u201d on myself much better. But it takes ongoing intentional effort.<\/p>\n Here are my three big revelations and three tips. Take from this what\u2019s useful for you.<\/p>\n It\u2019s so easy to blame other people for how swamped we feel \u2013 the boss, colleagues, and clients piling on the work, family members demanding so much, friends being needy, others asking for attention. Do you feel like they\u2019re putting on the pressure and you\u2019re the victim?<\/p>\n Well, I love the saying that \u201clife is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.\u201d<\/p>\n I noticed that the external situation doesn\u2019t change much. It\u2019s always busy. How I react to that makes a massive difference. I could react by feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Or I can focus on one thing at a time and enjoy doing the best I can with that thing.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t need to be friendly and approachable to everyone.<\/p>\n When I was president of the Japan Association of Translators, after a period of tension due to differences of opinion in the membership, I wrote in a message to everyone, \u201cI\u2019ve realized that I can\u2019t please all the people all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n One member replied, \u201cDuh.\u201d<\/p>\n It was a relief to know I\u2019m not responsible for keeping the world happy!<\/p>\n I noticed that when I started to respond less quickly, less often, and with less information, it wasn\u2019t a problem. We tell ourselves how much people need from us when in fact, in most cases, they really don\u2019t. And we may even create unnecessary work for ourselves.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not physically (or emotionally) capable of doing everything that I WANT to do. A simple example is that I wanted to send loads of personal New Year greetings. But the year got off to a busy start, and I prioritized taking care of myself and honoring existing commitments.<\/p>\n Whenever I thought about the New Year greetings, I started singing to myself \u201cLet It Go\u201d from Frozen<\/em>.<\/p>\n We create the stress ourselves in our minds.<\/p>\n So here are my three tips.<\/p>\n I pay more attention to how I communicate with myself. Whenever I hear the voice in my head saying, \u201cI don\u2019t have time\u201d or \u201cI have soooooo much to do\u201d or \u201cI need to\u2026,\u201d I stop myself and shift to phrases like \u201cI\u2019ve taken on a lot and am now taking action to reduce the pressure I\u2019m putting on myself,\u201d or \u201cI choose to\u2026,\u201d or \u201cwhat if I don\u2019t\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n I used to always want to reply to emails within the same day. This often meant working late at home. I then set myself a rule of finishing work by 7 p.m. for one month. No more emails after that time. At first it was tremendously difficult to leave emails unanswered. I got a knot in my stomach. But I left them until the next day. And, guess what? The world didn\u2019t fall apart.<\/p>\n When you\u2019re on a plane, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first. You can\u2019t help others if you\u2019re dead. It\u2019s the same off the plane. Take care of yourself first.<\/p>\n This is difficult for many of us to accept because, growing up, we\u2019ve been told \u201cdon\u2019t be selfish.\u201d<\/p>\n Well, maybe we should rethink that a bit.<\/p>\n Now, every morning, I have three \u201cMust for Me\u201d actions:<\/p>\n Sometimes I don\u2019t do them in that order or not immediately one after another. Being the mother of a teenager, flexibility helps. Or occasionally I have a very early start for a client. Nevertheless, more than 80 percent of the time, I complete the Must for Me actions before 8 a.m.<\/p>\n In the book Tools of Titans<\/em>, Tim Ferriss tells how he prioritizes his health \u2013 and sleep \u2013 to the extent that if he didn\u2019t sleep well, he cancels meetings the next morning to stay in bed and be properly rested. Wow! He\u2019s definitely putting on his oxygen mask first.<\/p>\n You may think that how you communicate with others is most important to avoid getting swamped, but actually how you communicate with yourself has the biggest impact. So please prioritize 1 and 2, above.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re feeling swamped because of all the \u201cdemands\u201d coming at you, let people know.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve spoken before about when to say \u201cno\u201d<\/a><\/span> and how to say “no”<\/a> in the workplace, so please read those posts if this is important to you.<\/p>\n When it comes to family and friends, think about it: surely they care about your wellbeing? So tell them honestly that you can\u2019t take on anymore at the moment. This is another one that I resisted for a long time. I would force myself to keep a commitment to a friend even when I was feeling overwhelmed. I was shocked by how easily people accepted when I said, \u201cSorry, I can\u2019t help you this time\u201d or \u201cSorry, I can\u2019t make it.\u201d<\/p>\n People aren\u2019t telepathic. They don\u2019t know that it\u2019s too much if you don\u2019t tell them and just keep a smiley face all the time because you want to be friendly and approachable.<\/p>\n * \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 * \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 * \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 * \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 *<\/p>\nBig Revelation 1: You have 100% control over how you respond<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Big Revelation 2: You\u2019re not responsible for keeping everyone happy<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Big Revelation 3: They don\u2019t need as much as you think<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Tip 1:\u00a0Notice your self-talk<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Tip 2:\u00a0Put on your oxygen mask first<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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Tip 3:\u00a0Communicate honestly with others<\/strong><\/h2>\n