I was on a call to confirm details about an upcoming corporate speaking engagement.
Since we were meeting online for the first time, everyone briefly introduced themselves.
I was struck by how each of the Japanese women immediately apologized or put themselves down in some way.
One said, “I’m new and I don’t know much. I’m sorry.”
Another said, “I’ve been with the company for a long time, but I make mistakes every day.”
And one lady apologized for her poor presentation slides (which I’d actually thought were quite good),
I’m not criticizing these women. After all, apologizing is normal in Japanese culture.
And, in fact, it’s not exclusive to Japan.
I grew up in the UK, which also has a strong traditional culture of apology (here’s a hilarious 30-second example from British comedian John Cleese).
But excessive apology in a global business environment can lead to
- Misunderstandings
- Loss of trust
- Wasting time
- Lowering your self-esteem
You’ve probably heard of the story of the boy who cried wolf (オオカミ少年).
He cried, “Wolf!” so many times that when an actual wolf came, nobody believed him.
When you say, “I’m sorry” repeatedly, do you think people are going to take you seriously when you genuinely need to apologize?
So, stop saying, “I’m sorry” unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Whenever you find yourself starting to write it, delete it.
When you notice you’re about to say it, stop it.
If you realize you just said it, make a mental note to avoid it next time. It will probably take a little practice. That’s normal.
Notice though, how much stronger you start to feel when you stop apologizing so much.
To be clear, I’m not advising you to be impolite here. Just take out the unnecessary “I’m sorries” and save your apologies for when they’re really necessary.
I talk more about “sorry” and other expressions to avoid in Episode 73 of the Sasuga! Podcast, Stop Using Weak Words In Meetings.
If you’re interested, you can listen here: sasugacommunications.com/episode-73/