- Why do Japanese people hesitate to speak up?
- What communication skill is a must in the global workplace?
- What one word can help you develop that skill?
- What makes a good listener?
- What’s wrong with breaking out of your shell?
These are some of the questions we explore in this month’s working woman interview. This time, instead of me asking the questions, I’m being interviewed by Hiroko Nishide in this clip from her Hiroko Salon series. Click on the image below to watch the original Japanese video. Below that is an English translation of our conversation.
Can’t see the video above? Click here to watch in YouTube.
Hiroko: We spoke earlier about what’s great about Japanese people as well as what they could perhaps do differently. And you mentioned the concept of “mottainai” (a waste) in relation to Japanese humility. So when we feel we can’t say something and we hold it inside. Is that what you mean?
Helen: I think there are various forms of “mottainai.” My business is focuses on communication for global business and corporations. I see a lot of “mottainai” in the workplace.
Hiroko: For example?
Helen: For example, you have a good idea, but don’t speak up at a meeting. I think this happens a lot. It’s “mottainai.” If the person spoke up, everyone could get better results in the meeting.
Hiroko: Oh, yes, I see that. I’m nearly 50 now, so I say whatever I like! But when I was younger, even if I wanted to say something, I didn’t feel I could say it.
Helen: Yes, that’s “mottainai.”
Hiroko: In your opinion, why does that happen?
Helen: Not speaking up or not asking questions, even if you have an idea or you’re curious about why something is a certain way, but you don’t ask questions. When you think about it, in the Japanese education system, asking questions isn’t really taught. The teacher teaches. You listen to the teacher. That’s what usually happens.
Hiroko: It’s very passive, isn’t it?
Helen: That’s right. And people tend to think that there’s only one correct answer. So students don’t ask questions or speak up.
Hiroko: Yes, I think that’s absolutely the case. So that’s perhaps why we’re not so good at communication. From the global perspective, Japanese people – when you communicate, you need someone to communicate with, right? But from elementary school, we just listened to what the teacher said and in tests we thought there was only one correct answer. That’s our education system, so we feel that if we ask a question it might be rude.
Helen: Exactly.
Hiroko: That’s how we feel.
Helen: Yes. And there’s the old influence of Confucianism from China in the sense of respecting authority and that it’s rude to ask questions.
Hiroko: Yes, yes, that’s right. We do feel it might be rude to ask a question.
Helen: Actually, my education in the UK was very similar. So deep down, I find it difficult to ask questions. But working in global business, if you don’t ask questions all sorts of misunderstandings can happen.
Hiroko: That’s right.
Helen: Especially in the global context.
Hiroko: Especially in the global context. I understand that. But even just in Japan, you want to ask something, you want to know something, but you don’t ask, and then there’s a miscommunication. As a result, you do something wrong in your work and get into trouble, your boss is angry, or someone complains.
Helen: Yes.
Hiroko: So when you go out into the workplace, asking questions is a necessity, isn’t it?
Helen: Yes, I think so.
Hiroko: But when I was young, I couldn’t do that. I think many of our viewers find it difficult to ask questions. What advice do you have for them?
Helen: One keyword is “curiosity.”
Hiroko: Curiosity?
Helen: Yes. Let me tell you a tale from my past. I’ve been involved in communication-related work for a long time and I considered myself a good listener. I was rather proud of myself. I would listen quietly to people.
Hiroko: In Japan, there’s a saying that if you’re a good listener, you’re a good speaker. What do you think?
Helen: Well, I considered myself a good listener. I was proud of it. But a colleague was visiting from overseas and one day, she said to me, “Helen, you don’t seem to be interested in anything I say. You never ask me any questions.” It was a huge shock!
Hiroko: Oh, that makes sense.
Helen: So after that, I realized that if I didn’t ask a question, it could be interpreted as me not being interested in the other person.
Hiroko: Ah. And, by the way, where was that person from?
Helen: She was from Australia.
Hiroko: From Australia?
Helen: Yes.
Hiroko: We often say that someone’s from this country or this nationality and we make judgments based on that. But even in Japan, I think there are Japanese people who might feel that if someone doesn’t ask anything, the other person isn’t interested in them. Helen, you communicate with a lot of people from around the world, but what I say is that the heart of manners is the same all over the world.
Helen: Yes.
Hiroko: But the form – or how you express the manners – differs depending on the country or region. Even in Japan, there are different forms of etiquette depending on the region. So rather than what is good or bad, as you said, having consideration and a feeling of kindness should be the first step. Then on top of that, for good communication with each other, we should open the doors of our heart, and speak honestly.
Helen: That’s right.
Hiroko: So your Australian colleague said, “You don’t ask questions, so you’re not interested in what I say.” I’m sure you were surprised.
Helen: Yes, it was a shock.
Hiroko: Yes, it must have been a shock. But what did you think? You received a shock, but what did you think after that?
Helen: After that, I realized I had to ask questions. And I made an effort. But I don’t think it’s easy. Not asking questions was a habit. I often talk about our comfort zone.
Hiroko: Could you explain the concept of comfort zone?
Helen: It’s where you feel comfortable. It’s what you’re used to. When we learn something new, we have to step out of our comfort zone.
Hiroko: I see. So this comfort zone, which is comfortable and we’re used to, that’s ours, right?
Helen: That’s right. And when we learn something new, we have to step out of it. And at first, we feel uncertainty.
Hiroko: Of course.
Helen: We feel some resistance, but when we step out and do something new, our comfort zone grows.
Hiroko: Oh, that’s a great concept! In Japan, we often talk about “breaking out of your shell.”
Helen: Yes, it’s like that.
Hiroko: But to break out of your shell takes a lot of courage. And it’s scary. But when I listened to what you just said, it changed the way I think. The shell is basically the boundary of the comfort zone and it’s not a case of breaking it. It’s about expanding it.
Helen: Yes. Little by little. If you try to take a big step out of your comfort zone, it’s scary! And then you can’t do it.
Hiroko: That’s right! So it’s not about breaking the comfort zone, it’s about gradually making it bigger. Even just a tiny bit. Like a tiny step by a tiny chick. Just bit by bit.
Helen: That’s right!