このインタビューでは、高等教育専門家であり、Her Confidence Her Wayのポッドキャスト及びコミュニティー創立者であるエミコ・ラスムッセンさんのコミュニケーションにおける成功とチャレンジをご紹介しています。記事は英語です。ぜひご覧ください！
– An Interview With Emiko Rasmussen, Higher Education Professional
and Founder of the Her Confidence Her Way Podcast and Community
I “met” Emiko Rasmussen when she contacted me via Facebook messenger. She had seen my TEDx Talk and wanted to connect and know more about what I do. We scheduled a video conference call and chatted like school girl best friends who hadn’t seen each other for ages. We have so much in common. I’m from outside Japan, but have lived here for 25 years. She’s from Japan, but has lived outside for many years. We’re both working mothers who are passionate about helping women to gain the confidence and skills to be the best version of themselves that they can be.
What kind of communicator do you want to be?
As a leader of a large organization in my full-time job, I would like to be a communicator who can understand the listener’s perspective. It’s like wearing glasses from their point of view.
In our organization, we have different departments where everybody speaks “different languages”. For example, in a meeting, we may be saying the same thing, but people might not really understand due to the different perspectives. This is especially true for people from the IT team.
They often give details about processes. However, what we need to know is more high-level information. I would like to be a communicator who understands and is able to communicate by adjusting and using their language as well.
What did you do to resolve the situation where team members gave you details
instead of the high-level information you needed?
When we were all confused and weren’t going anywhere, I said, “I don’t want to sound stupid, but can you simply tell us what the surface of this is? Because I don’t need to understand the details.”
I also said, “There are a lot of visual learners out here. Can you map it out?”
Once they mapped out the process flow, we were fine. I think so many people are afraid to ask questions because they don’t want it to be a stupid question. I have a really bad habit of saying, “This might be a stupid question.” I shouldn’t start off saying that. So that’s something I’m working on. But I think so many people are afraid to ask because they don’t want others thinking, “Oh, why can’t this person understand?”
But in reality, no one in the room understood. I decided to ask because I used Japanese skills.
Here’s what I mean. American people show emotions on their face very easily. Japanese businessmen have that poker face. So I could tell they didn’t understand.
So that’s why I spoke up. I don’t care if I’m the only one who didn’t understand. I would rather walk away with understanding what people are saying than pretending to understand.
You make an interesting point about a Western meeting situation.
People’s facial expressions say a lot more than in a typical Japanese meeting.
So if you wanted to ask for clarification in a Japanese meeting,
what would you do differently there?
When I worked with a company — a very old traditional Japanese company — I was in a meeting, and I raised my hand to ask a question. I was young, around 24, and obviously a female. Later on, somebody approached me and said that I shouldn’t be asking any questions in the meeting.
So I thought to myself, “OK, I will never speak up again.” That was my experience.
After that, I never worked with Japanese companies. But I think it’s very important to speak up and ask questions. Even if you get in trouble later, I think it’s important to later on communicate to the boss and say something like, “You know, it seems like everybody was not understanding.”
It’s important for the facilitator or the leader of the organization to set expectations, like, “If you’re invited to the meeting, you bring your ideas and any questions that you might have.”
Something I learned from the book Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office was that if a woman asks a question, other women should be supporting her and say, “Oh, I like that idea, Helen.” That way women are promoting each other. Or if there is a man interrupting a woman, the book recommends saying, “Excuse me, let her finish first.” So those are the things that we as an organization are really working on.
As a leader of the organization, it’s their role to create that environment and set that expectation. For example, “If you have a question, please raise your hand. If that’s not possible, then later on I’m available. I will stay in the room so feel free to chat with me.”
So with your years of experience, since then, what would you say to another
Japanese woman, for example, in that situation where she has a boss
who is just not open to her asking questions?
I would use a strategy from Lean In, which is like my bible. It says to make a communal policy. So instead of saying, “I have a good idea,” you can say, “I would like to contribute my idea to the company.” So that way you’re not self-promoting. But it’s more like a company’s goal.
You don’t have to do this on your own. So make a team and meet with them to discuss these situations. Ask them, “How can I approach this?” Talk about it, brainstorm it, and then bring it to the boss. That way, you feel supported and prepared.
I love DISC to understand communication styles. I use it all the time. So when I’m talking to my boss for example, my boss is very D, meaning they likes bullet points. So when I have a one-on-one, I have to make sure that although I’m an SI — meaning I like to tell stories, and I like to talk about people — I have to remember that my boss needs bullet points.
So when I’m talking, I tell my boss my version of my bullet points. So once again going back to the IT team, right? If I’m giving an assignment for the IT team, they need details. I make sure that I provide all the details versus if I’m working with somebody else, like the admissions team, who are more goal-driven people.
I try to adjust those communication styles based on the people’s communication styles.
What is one communication success that you can share with us?
I had an opportunity to give a speech in front of a group of Japanese high school exchange students here in San Diego. I volunteer for an organization. It’s called San Diego Yokohama Sister City Society. It was my first speech in Japanese.
I was so nervous. I wondered, “How am I going to start this?”
If it’s English, which I’ve done before, I have a certain way to start. But in Japanese, I didn’t know how to start. But I followed a podcast hosted by Christina Canters, and she is also a communication specialist. Her podcast is called Stand out, Get Noticed with Christina Canters.
I got a communication and presentation cheat sheet. I broke my presentation down. Because when you’re trying to give a speech, you want to talk about so many different things. But it’s important to really break it down.
Then I followed her advice, and it went so well. Because I simplified. This cheat sheet helped me to really narrow down the topics I wanted to talk about.
In the classroom where I was giving a speech, I felt that students were very tired from jetlag. So the first thing I did was tell them to stand up because I wanted them to be fully awake.
When I introduced myself, I just decided to do it in English. That helped me to put myself in speaker mode. Then I switched back to Japanese, which grabbed their attention as well because they’re there to learn English. That helped them understand that I speak English well. They didn’t expect that I was going to say something in English.
When I used to give presentations, I was allowing myself to make room for mistakes by saying “English is my second language” as an exucuse. From this experience, I learned that no matter what language you’re presenting in, you have to put in the hard work and practice before giving a speech or presentation.
Overall, the presentation was a success.
What is one communication failure that you can share with us?
I’m going to talk about a job interview situation. I had two major reasons why the interview failed. Of course, I didn’t get that job.
The first one is that I really didn’t believe in myself and again made excuses such as, “OK, well, English is my second language. So I don’t know if I can say everything well.” As a result, I was just overwhelmed and just telling myself that I’m not going to be able to do it. I was already telling myself that I couldn’t. I also got really nervous, and I had no idea what I wanted to say.
Also, some of the questions that the interviewer asked were challenging questions that sounded complicated. I got scared of asking, “Can you repeat that?” because I didn’t want them to think I didn’t understand English. I don’t think I said the right answer that they were looking for.
The second reason was not understanding my culture and not being able to adjust to the US culture. Japanese people are really reserved, and we were told to undervalue or lower ourselves.
So I didn’t know how to present myself with confidence. I don’t think I was able to showcase what I could bring to the table for that company or that position.
Back then, I also didn’t have a mentor or a coach. I didn’t know to do a mock interview, prepare, and ask for feedback. I really didn’t know all those things. So it was just a major failure.
What would you say to women who are reluctant to speak up and speak about
themselves in interviews?
I would tell them, “An interview is about you.”
I teach personal branding for my company. I notice that whenever we do mock interviews, so many people use the word “we”. We’re not supposed to be using “we”. You should be using “I”.
An interview is a portion of time where you put the spotlight on you. Even if you don’t feel comfortable, if you don’t tell who you are or what you can provide for the organization, they’re not going to know.
So it’s very important to understand that an interview is the time that you have to let yourself shine. But I don’t want to misspeak because I don’t know about the Japanese interview. I’ve never really done the Japanese interview process. This applies for an international or global company. With a Japanese company, I would say to change your language to be more about how your skills will help them meet internal goals.
What is most challenging for you in communication right now?
I’ve recently transitioned my position from a manager to a specialist within my current company. Not having that title as a manager took away my power.
In our company, you can tell what people’s titles are with their email signatures. If you have the title “manager,” you get more attention. I’m still the same person. But because I don’t have that title as a manager, I have to be twice as loud. That’s kind of ridiculous. Some people brush me off. They say “Oh, you may want to talk to your manager.” And I reply with, “Well, I was the manager in that position before. So I know how it works.” That’s definitely my challenge. I really have to try to get everybody’s attention. With people that don’t know me as a previous manager, it just takes time to get buy-in.
What communication skill, resource, or advice would you recommend to our readers?
Besides subscribing to the Sasuga! Tips For You newsletter, I recommend your readers to invest in a communication assessment, like DISC or Myers-Briggs. Because that really helps to understand the way you communicate. Before, I thought that I was really slow in making a decision because I’m an S, which means I don’t like conflict. So I always want to make sure to have everybody’s approval.
It takes forever for me to move on versus a person who is a D, which means they are goal oriented and they don’t necessary seek for everyone’s approval.
Understanding my communication style helps me to accept who I am. I think investing in yourself or taking communication skills course or assessments is very important.
I would also tell your readers that I used to worry about what other people would think about me.
But I learned to really face that fear. If you feel like you want to do that presentation or you want to be the facilitator, you have to step outside of your comfort zone.
For example, I decided to became a personal branding trainer. But I had to fight with myself about whether I should apply to become one. In my heart, I wanted to do it. But my head was telling me I couldn’t. So it’s really important to face that fear. Like you mentioned in our interview, it’s normal to be nervous. We’re human beings and fear doesn’t mean to stop you. Notice your negative talk and don’t let it take over you.
What else do you want to tell us about?
All my experiences showed that I was missing self-confidence. And I recognized that way too late. It took me almost ten years to really realize that.
The real thing is I just never believed in myself and I was always focus on what I am not good at. Because of those experiences, I became a confidence-building coach. I noticed there is a need, especially for Japanese women, to be aware of the cultural and social expectations for women.
So I decided it was time for me to really step up and empower other women as well. This whole time when I was working, I was telling myself I’m never going to be good enough. So I had that negative talk, and I learned how to fight it.
Those are the things that I started teaching as a woman – eliminating negative talk and focusing on the positive.
For example, instead of working and wasting time on something I’m not good at, like math, I can partner with somebody who is good at math. I can let this person figure out the numbers, and I will focus on what I’m good at.
Ever since I started doing and realizing that, I was able to believe in myself more. So those are the things that I teach.
Then, there are a number of things I do. I host a weekly Facebook Live, a podcast called Her Confidence Her Way, a Facebook group, and I have a free worksheet to help you find your unique talent which I call it a gifted talent.
On the podcast, I interview women who are breaking through negative self-talk and improving their self-confidence. I love to learn from stories, and I think they’re the best textbooks.
The Facebook community is called the Her Confidence Her Way Community and it’s a private community for women. I hope that more Japanese women are encouraged and feel comfortable sharing their thoughts within the community. People might be scared of posting something because in Japanese culture you don’t speak up. I hope to see some changes in this community.
And then also, I have the free worksheet to help people find their unique talent. I believe that everybody has a gift that no one can copy. And so many people are confused and they don’t believe that their gift is unique.
That’s why I encourage them to discover their gift. That’s their responsibility. And also it’s their responsibility to deliver that gift to somebody who needs it.
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