Think of the last time you received bad news.
How did you react?
Has bad news ever turned out to be good news for you?
Let me share 4 brief personal examples from a recent trip:
Bad news 1: After flying from Haneda and landing at Heathrow, the first email I saw was “Your Airbnb has been canceled.”
I was in the UK for a long-overdue family reunion. My parents were traveling down to London from Yorkshire, my daughter coming up from Kingston, and my husband flying in a few days after me from Japan. At last, we would all be together for the first time since 2019.
But nice 3-bedroom places with easy access for those with walking difficulties (my dad) and within our budget aren’t common in central London. A few months before the trip, it had taken me aaaaaaages to find a suitable Airbnb.
Good news 1: When I told her, Keri hopped online and miraculously found a place that had just become available. Unbelievable! A beautiful apartment that was in an even better location than the first one and at a lower cost!
Then this happened…
Bad news 2: Hiroshi was having a shower in the hotel the evening he arrived and the shower curtain and rail fell on top of him! He was already unimpressed because there were no slippers, fridge, safe, warm toilet seat or bottom washer (all of which would be normal in Japan)!
Good news 2: When I told the staff about the shower rail, they offered us free “full English” breakfast for the three of us. It was delicious! And Hiroshi was impressed – lol!
And then this…
Bad news 3: On our way to see the Lion King musical, the traffic was crazy, and a car ran into the back of our Uber as we were getting out! This scary and chaotic situation happened just 15 minutes before the performance started. Outside the theater was terribly crowded. How on Earth would we get to our seats on time?
Good news 3: When the Lyceum Theatre staff saw my dad approaching with a walker, they led us to a special entrance and directly to our seats, so we bypassed all the crowds and still had time to pop to the loo! Fantastic (and I highly recommend the show if you haven’t seen it!).
And, finally…
Bad news 4: I’m drafting this on the train traveling back down to London after staying with my parents up in Yorkshire. Our train was delayed by 40 minutes. This means we’ll miss our connection and most likely eventually arrive hours later at Kings Cross during rush hour traffic with suitcases…. I wonder what will happen…?
Good news 4: (see update below…)
Whether it’s in your personal life or at work, you no doubt receive “bad news” and “good news” on a regular basis.
As human beings, we naturally focus on the negative and the bad news. It’s a part of our survival mechanism. That’s because bad news could be a sign of danger, and the oldest part of our brain wants to protect us from that.
Ever wondered why there’s so much bad news on TV? It’s because the producers know that bad news grabs our attention.
And it can be sooooooo easy to get upset about bad news, right?
It’s normal to be shocked, sad, angry or feel other emotions at first. Those are automatic reactions triggered by the older part of the brain.
Here’s the thing: What happened happened.
It’s our choice whether we call it bad news or good news.
It’s our choice whether we accept it or get ourselves all wound up about it.
And it’s our choice what we focus on next.
For example, when my train was delayed, I was disappointed, but I couldn’t do anything to make that train come faster, could I?
Instead of focusing on the disappointment, I chose to be open to the possibility that maybe things would somehow work out, and I turned my attention to the great book I was reading on my Kindle.
Let’s just be clear: I haven’t always been this calm and accepting of situations that are out of my control.
The younger me would probably have gone into a deeper state of annoyance and stress and stayed there longer.
But have you ever considered how much time and physical, mental, and emotional energy we can waste doing that? Mottainai!
After acknowledging those emotions and facing the situation, we can then turn our attention to “Can I do something about it?”
If not, we can learn from the situation (allow buffer time when traveling by train in the UK!) and then move on.
Conversely, if we can do something to deal with the bad news, we have a choice to do that.
When we shift our attention from the bad news, not only does focusing on a potential positive possibility increase the likelihood of better outcomes (because we can see broader options), it feels better, and research shows that it can even benefit our health and mortality!
According to a Harvard study of 70,000 women over an 8-year period, the most optimistic quartile of women had a nearly 30 percent lower risk of dying compared with the least optimistic quartile. The most optimistic women had a 16 percent lower risk of dying from cancer; 38 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease; 39 percent lower risk of dying from stroke; 38 percent lower risk of dying from respiratory disease; and 52 percent lower risk of dying from infection.
That’s quite amazing!
So, what happened with the train? Well, with just a few minutes to change platforms and carrying heavy suitcases and bags, we miraculously made our connection and got our original reserved seats!
I’m so happy that I didn’t waste my time or energy feeling upset or stressed.
Good news or bad news? What are you focusing on today?