Surprisingly, the answer might be EVERYTHING – especially when it comes to your work.
If you’re like many busy business professionals in Japan, you’re probably no stranger to the demands of excellence.
While skills in planning, communication, and productivity are crucial, there’s an often-overlooked factor that can significantly impact your performance..
…loving yourself
That’s right!
Not just loving your job or the people you work with (they help too!), but loving you.
In my three-decade career in Japan, I’ve learned the hard way that self-love is not simply a personal indulgence – it’s actually a key driver of professional success and happiness.
This can be difficult to accept at first. It certainly was for me.
That’s because many of us were brought up to believe that self-love is selfish, lazy, or narcissistic. We think the only way to succeed professionally is by being tough on ourselves.
I remember my Japanese interpreting school teacher referring to exams and saying, “5 hours’ sleep equals a fail. 4 hours’ sleep equals a pass.”
In Japan and many other countries and cultures, self-sacrifice is often seen as a virtue – especially for women, who are expected to take care of others before themselves.
What is self-love?
Self-love means accepting yourself and treating yourself well physically, mentally, and emotionally.
And it’s surprisingly hard for many of us.
Have you considered how well you’re doing with self-love?
Here’s a quick way to assess yourself and start to explore practical steps to embrace self-love for more success and happiness in your career.
Quick Self-Love Quiz
Okay, nobody is checking. Answer honestly for each: are you A or B?
Negative Thoughts
A: You often slip into negative thinking (“It’s not working,” “I’m not doing enough…”)
B: While recognizing the facts, you intentionally choose thoughts that motivate and uplift you
As human beings, it’s normal for us to focus on the negative. That’s a part of our survival mechanism. The reptilian brain – the oldest part of the brain – pays attention to anything that could be a threat to us. Now, armed with this knowledge, we have the choice to engage our neocortex – the newer part of the brain where conscious thought comes from.
One of my clients often complained about her toxic boss (negative thinking). She discovered that she didn’t have to take his behavior personally. Instead, she could use it to practice intentionally focusing on the positive – new perspectives and possibilities. And this became a great motivator to move on in her career.
Comparisonitis
A: You often compare yourself to others and believe they’re better than you
B: You avoid comparisons because you know you’re great as you are and, at the same time, you can still improve
When you compare yourself to someone else, you only see the surface. You don’t know how much physical, mental, and emotional effort they put into getting where they are now. You don’t know what hidden advantages they may have had on the way. You don’t know what they had to sacrifice. So it’s not a fair comparison. The only person to compare yourself with is you, yesterday.
One of my Japanese female clients lamented that her English wasn’t good. It turned out she was comparing herself with “John” – her older, more senior, American colleague! When she realized how silly that was, she was able to accept where she was and focus on gradually improving her English.
Judgment
A: You often worry about what people think of you – in fact, you tell yourself stories about what other people think about you…
B: You expect that people will judge you no matter what you do and you’re okay with that – what they think is none of your business
Judging is part of human nature. Again, it’s related to our survival mechanism. Since the brain only accounts for about 2 percent of our body weight, but consumes around 20 percent of our energy, it’s important for the brain to work efficiently. So it creates shortcuts, like habits and judging.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “to judge” means “to form an opinion.” And it’s easier and more efficient for the brain to quickly judge than to carefully consider and come to a conclusion about people. You can’t control how other people’s brains work, so instead focus on evaluating yourself and your behavior and deciding where you want to improve.
Selfcare
A: You constantly put others first and rarely take time for yourself – you always think you can do that later
B: You prioritize selfcare, including getting enough rest, exercising, eating well, and having fun
Selfcare is not selfish – it’s essential for us to be at our best physically, mentally, and emotionally. Remember that it’s normal for your energy to have ups and downs. The natural female hormonal cycle is around 28 days. The natural male hormonal cycle is around 24 hours. And in today’s world, many other factors create fluctuations in our energy levels.
If selfcare is new to you, start with something simple and build evidence that it was okay for you to do that. Then do it again. And again.
High Expectations
A: You set very high expectations for yourself because you want to do well and keep others happy, but you often feel stressed or exhausted
B: You lower your expectations of yourself because you now recognize that when you do that, you relax and actually do better work in the end
Oh, yes, this one is so counterintuitive. When my productivity coach years ago said, “Helen, just aim for average,” I thought she was crazy! But I discovered that when I set my expectations ridiculously high, I wasn’t able to meet them. And when I lowered them, I easily exceeded my expectations!
So, how did you score, mostly A or B?
My Journey from A to B: A Personal Revelation
I confess, I used to be 100% A – negative thinking, comparing myself to others, worrying about what others thought of me, neglecting selfcare, and setting ridiculously high expectations for myself. The outcome? Burnout – more than once.
And of course, you don’t get great business results, success, and happiness with burnout.
Now, I would say that I’m almost always B. And when I slip into some of that A thinking and behavior, I recognize it and recover relatively quickly.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Love in the Workplace
Self-love isn’t just about personal wellbeing – it’s a game-changer professionally. When you’re overworked, distracted, or irritable, you’re not in a position to create the best business outcomes. You can’t think clearly. You’re less efficient. And, what’s more, your stress can negatively impact those around you (at home too!).
Conversely, when you love and accept yourself, when you take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, solutions come to you more easily, you get things done faster and more accurately, and your energy has a positive impact on those around you.
Three Thought-Provoking Questions for You
- If someone you loved was pushing through to keep working even when they felt unwell, what would you advise?
- If someone you loved was comparing themselves with others and saying they weren’t good enough, what would you say to them
- If someone you loved was always worrying about what other people think, what would you tell them?
Remember, to excel in your work and find happiness, it’s not just about outstanding professional skills – it’s about embracing self-love.
What will you do today to show yourself some love and unlock your professional potential?
Love listening to podcasts?
In Episode 162: What’s Love Got To Do With Excellent Work? I talk about what happened when I rescheduled a client call because I had a headache…
The #LessEffortMoreImpact Movement for Women in Business is an uplifting community for growth-minded women in Japan and beyond to
- connect across industries and nationalities
- embrace selfcare as a success strategy
- encourage each other to step out of our comfort zones
so that we can do brilliant work, without sacrificing our personal lives.