このインタビューでは、トランスフォーメーション・リトリート・オーガナイザーである中田ジェーンさんのコミュニケーションにおける成功とチャレン
An Interview With Jayne Nakata, Transformation Retreat Organizer
If you think your circumstances are holding you back, look for inspiration to Jayne Nakata. For 15 years, New Zealander Jayne has lived with her wonderful Japanese husband in Fukushima, which is still recovering from the 2011 nuclear disaster.
Does living in rural Japan raising two small children hold her back from doing amazing things? Absolutely not.
Jayne runs three businesses. She coaches clients around the world in weight loss via phone and email. She teaches English, including to the okamisan (ladies who run Japanese inns) in the area – and these often turn into self-development sessions rather than simple language learning! And she organizes transformational retreats for women to take a break from their busy lives, connect with like-minded ladies, and gain a new – and sometimes redirected – zest for life.
I “met” Jayne when I posted in the FEW community asking if anyone wanted to join me in doing Natalie Sisson’s 10-Day Blog Challenge in 2016.
We both recognize the benefits of stepping out of our comfort zones, so we agreed to record this interview, so that you can listen to the unedited audio.
Unedited Audio
Or, if you prefer more concise text, read on!
What kind of communicator do you want to be?
I want to be someone who leaves people better than I found them. After someone has talked to me, I want them to feel more positive or inspired. Not like they’ve had all their energy sucked out of them. Recently, I’ve been experimenting with the simple act of being positive and smiling when I talk to people.
I make an effort to walk into a room in a positive frame of mind and project that positivity to the people in the room. And I found that it’s been working really well.
Do you ever feel dishonest when you act positive even though you’re upset?
I’ve always been a negative person until the last couple of years. So I know how it feels to be grumpy and negative. But I realized that often it’s a choice. We can choose if we want to feel positive or negative. So I don’t think that is faking it or being inauthentic; it’s choosing to be positive.
That has a good effect on other people around you. If you choose to be positive, then you’ll feel positive naturally. If you smile even when you don’t feel like smiling, eventually you’ll feel a bit better than you did before. So there’s some science behind it as well. Why not use that? Why mope around if you don’t have to?
What is a communication success that you have had that you could share?
I’ve noticed that you can influence people just by your voice depending on whether you talk to them with a smile on your face or not. It’s such as simple thing, but we don’t do it.
My job for a long time was teaching people English by telephone, so I only had my voice to work with. If I called them and I said in a neutral voice, “Hi, how are you today? This is Jayne here. Let’s get started with our lesson,” do you think you’d like to take a lesson with me for 20 minutes? No.
But if I call and I enthusiastically say, “Hi! It’s Jayne here.” And all I’ve done is go from this neutral facial expression to one with even a forced smile, it just sounds much better. You want to have a lesson with a person that sounds like that, don’t you?
It’s so simple and easy to force yourself to do. Then it just becomes natural. And anybody can do it. You don’t have to practice it. It’s one way that you can be more successful with your communication. Just put a smile on your face even if it’s not a real one to start with. It will really affect how your voice comes across to people. As a result, people will be more willing to listen to you.
It works really well on teleconference calls. Another part of my job was teaching people over the Internet. So they would be looking at my face on this camera. I just had to sit and smile. Otherwise I would not have come across as a very nice teacher, and they wouldn’t have wanted to take my classes. It’s very simple, very easy, and effective.
What has been your biggest communication failure?
It’s not one particular time but lots of small moments that I noticed. What was common about those communication failures was that I wasn’t being myself. This is different from putting a smile on my face when I don’t feel like it because I am still being myself when I’m doing that.
Not being myself is using phrases or something I’ve heard from someone else that I thought sounded cool or good. But when I said it, it sounded rude or not funny. So I’ve learned to be more careful and not try to copy other people’s jokes or expressions because that doesn’t always come off well. Sometimes people have been offended and have said so, which surprised me.
What would you say right now is your biggest communication challenge?
A lot of what I’m doing right now is working with people via email. I’m trying to get my clients to make some really big changes in their lives, like quitting sugar and giving up stories that don’t suit them. These are very big things to change. So my challenge is how to communicate these things in written form in a way that resonates with them and makes them want to take action.
The challenge is also that sometimes I have to challenge them. Sometimes I have to say, “Hey! Perhaps that wasn’t such a good idea. What could we do better next time?” I have to do this in a way that makes them think but still maintains a good relationship. I want to avoid saying something that might make them want to quit, give up, or say ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’.
That is my major challenge at the moment: how to use words in the written form. I do actually speak to my clients once a week, and I can use my voice to influence them. I think they get a boost from talking to me.
What do you do to avoid misunderstanding through email?
I’m still going through the process of learning this job in a sense. So I try to cushion things more than when I’m saying them. When I’m writing emails, I’m imagining this person and sending them positive thoughts and love. I hope that comes through to them when they’re reading it. Because I do know how it feels to be that person who is struggling with emotional eating and being overweight. So it really motivates me to write those emails from that place.
The first time that we really get to know each other is by phone and I think that really helps because after they’ve talked to me, they might think, “Okay, she’s actually really nice, warm, and friendly. This is going to be okay.” So their first interaction with me is not generally over email. It’s over the phone. We get a chance to get to know each other and set up the relationship before we start emailing, which helps build trust.
What skills, resources, or advice could you offer to our readers and listeners?
I’m a big fan of Gretchen Rubin, who is the author of many books. My favorite book of hers is called Better than Before. She’s also written another popular one called The Happiness Project.
I’m a big fan because she has come up with a framework called ‘The Four Tendencies’. This framework can help you understand how people react to information and messages.
So if you know the different kinds of people that you’re talking to, you can mold your
message to fit them better. So, in my job with coaching people and helping them with their weight loss issues, I know most of them probably fall under the Obliger tendency, just like me.
They love to do things for other people but cannot do things for themselves. Others are called Questioners. They need to know why they’re doing something, and they won’t move until they know. So if you have Questioners in your audience or you’re communicating with Questioners, then you need to answer the question ‘Why?’.
Another tendency is called a Rebel. The Rebel wants choices. So if you tell them they have to do something, they’re not going to do it. They want to know, “What are my options here?”
The final tendency is the Upholder. They’re a minority. These people tend to know what to do and what they want to do. Then they’re able to do it. I think it’s easier to manage an Upholder rather than a Rebel.
So I think it’s a really powerful framework to use when you’re working one to one with people. If you’re interested, read Gretchen’s book. It’s a gold mine. Definitely my most recommended resource.
What else would you like to tell Sasuga! readers and listeners about?
I’d like to tell them about what you and I are working on at the moment, Helen. Right now, I’m hearing a lot from women in my community, and I’m sure you’ve been hearing this, too.
Women are just not feeling good. They’re frustrated with their lives. They know they’re not living their best lives. They know they could be doing better, but they don’t know what they want.
So if that sounds like you, then I would love for you to come and join Helen, Rebecca, and me in Yumoto hot springs in Fukushima Prefecture Japan.
We’re having a 3-day self-discovery weekend at a quaint, relaxing, hot spring town. It’s going to be an eye-opening and moving long weekend mixed with self-care and fun.
Not only will you put yourself on the right track, but you’ll also be supporting the disaster area in Fukushima, which is my second home where I’ve lived for the last 15 years in Japan. We’re still suffering from the disaster 6 years ago, so I’m really thrilled to be able to bring an event such as this to the area. Click here to read details.
What closing words do you have for us, and where can people find out more about you?
If you’re feeling lost and like you don’t know where you’re going or you don’t know what to do, remember that just because you’ve always been one way doesn’t mean you have to be that way forever. I’m a living example of this, so you can change, too. You can change yourself but it is up to you to start. We’re really looking forward to helping you with that transformation.
You can find me at www.jaynenakata.com. The name of my website is Transformation Retreats by Jayne Nakata. So you can find me there and read more about my own transformation. And I’d love to hear about yours, too. So drop me a line there.